The Midside: S4E13 There’s No Place Like Home Parts 2 and 3

It’s almost hard to believe. Yet again, we’ve reached this point. Everything happened so quickly and was sprung upon us and now…this. No, I’m not referring to another season ending twist. I’m talking about how the season has already ended. The shortening of the number of episodes combined with the strike molded what feels like a completely abbreviated run. Where does this finale rank among other finales? Follow me into The Midside and we’ll address this consideration as well as other more specific ones such as: Who’s on the island? Who’s off the island? Who’s dead? Who should we trust, Widmore or Ben? And, in a point sure to be unique to The Midside, who is the Most Screwed Character of Them All™?

PLAYING THE PUNDINTRY GAME

Disclaimer: Before I begin this section, I would like to acknowledge what I have in past columns. I hate the lists media sources such as ESPN make. They create impossible scenarios as a way to increase ratings or readership. For instance, over the Patriots 18-0 run, they were constantly compared to the ’72 Dolphins. It’s impossible to compare the two teams. They are from separate eras. They could never be on the field together. Such a comparison is nothing more than frivolous fluff. However, there is a specious air to it, as they both had huge undefeated streak. The comparisons become especially troublesome when the pundits turn to players and try to rank the best quarterback, wide receives, running backs, etc in history. How exactly, over the entire history of a league with ever shifting styles, rules, and conventions, can a definitive list be created? It can’t, and thus I find such lists ridiculous.

If I hold such an opinion, how can I attempt to rank the LOST seasons and finales? I won’t. While an argument can be made concerning ranking things within a consistent work of art, such as a television show, I still think such a list would be ridiculous. Creating one would be like ranking the chapters in a book. However, I do think that it is important to consider the strengths and weaknesses of each season and finale, which can be especially highlighted in comparison to one another. And if one happens to be weaker or stronger than all the rest, so be it. Likewise, this discussion is in no way meant to be a definitive statement on the relative quality of each season. Rather, it is my attempt to place the fourth season and it’s finale within the scope of the LOST universe. And I will start with a cross section of the finales.

The interesting thing about the season finales is that each has featured a variation of the same technique. The common term used when referring to them is “game changer.” The episodes contain a “game changing” moment or fact. However, each season has contained a different type of a “game changer.”

Season One featured the least revolutionary moment(s). The story did not change drastically and the technique had been used a thousand times before in television cliffhangers. In fact, the producers even compared it to the classic “Who shot JR?” question from Dallas. This approach worked well because it provided several iconic moments. No one is a LOST fan will ever forget the character peering down the Hatch or Tom, with his beard, saying, “We’re gonna have to take the boy.” In fact, when Penny’s boat found the life raft, the group I was watching with even referenced the scene, saying how they were going to demand Aaron and then destroy the raft. The finale fulfilled its purpose. It was so iconic, the parallel between future finales and it are immediately recognizable to even the most casual of fans. However, where this finale failed is that it wasn’t game changing enough. In fact, it was right before the game changing moment. It has always been my contention that the beginning of Season Two would have served much better as a cliffhanger than the end of Season One. In Exodus, the characters were in the same spots they were all season. They didn’t know what was in the Hatch. The raft escape had failed. In contrast, at the beginning of Season Two, new characters and sets were introduced. We found Desmond in the Hatch and the Tailies on the other side of the island. While the images we had in Exodus were iconic, imagine how much more iconic Desmond holding Kate at gun point and Jack responding “You” (a la Soulja Boy) or Jin running down the beach yelling “Others” and then Sawyer getting clocked in the face by Eko would have been. Exodus succeeded in using the question technique (What’s in the Hatch? Who took the boy? Is Sawyer alive or dead?), but failed by placing those questions within a static setting that eased their impact through its familiarity.

Season Two succeeded in fine tuning the techniques used in the first finale. Locke, Desmond, Eko, Sawyer, Kate, and Jack were all placed in such danger that we had no idea what their fates would be in the coming season. Charlie, Michael, and Walt went through such crucial events that we had no idea how they would react. Likewise, characters were inserted into the mythology. Suddenly, Penny and her artic station were trying to find the island. The idea of rescue and the characters that would help that story unravel were in our minds. Ben and the Others were revealed at the dock. Ben uttered his iconic “We’re the good guys, Michael” and one of the biggest debates in LOST history began. But, these questions would not have stood strong on their own. In fact, it could be argued that the good/bad Others debate had been in place since Ethan, the kidnapping of Walt, or Goodwin’s treatment of Ana Lucia. However, it obviously didn’t resonate in our mind until Live Together, Die Alone. Why? Because the questions technique was combined with another: the destruction technique. This concept was also used in the Season Three finale of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. In that episode, most of what was familiar for the show over the first three seasons was destroyed: the high school blew up, the Hell Mouth was closed, Buffy quit the Watcher’s Council, and Angel left. However, there was only one question that remained with the show: What will happen when Buffy goes to college? The show had a natural setting to transition to. Likewise, LOST destroyed the Hatch. In contrast, the show had no logical locale to transition to, so the writers hit us with a plethora of questions. They turned the sky purple. They showed us a four toed statue. It was the ultimate mindfuck. Where this finale failed is its inability to include every character in the storyline. Claire, Jin, Sun, and Sayid all remained the same. This shortcoming most famously manifested itself in Sayid’s absence from Season Three.

Season Three took what made the previous finale so strong and built upon it further. Rather than using the destruction technique, they used the switch technique. The majority of the characters saw their roles flipped, as well as, of course, the story. Character wise, we saw the first glimpses of Locke becoming the new Ben, when he threw a knife in Naomi’s back and everyone looked at him like a nut case rather than a guru. Ben was tied to a tree, a powerless prisoner rather than the warden (like in the Season Two Finale). Jack’s leadership was finally cracking, as even Rose show signs of mistrust of the “good doctor” by mocking his mantra. Sayid, Sawyer, and Juliet, three characters who all had tenuous relationships with each other, were suddenly allies in battle with a begrudged respect for one another. Hurley was no longer the bumbling sidekick, but the hero that saved the island badasses (Sayid, Sawyer, Jin, and Juliet). Charlie, well, he died a hero rather than a character. And, thus, Desmond, presumably no longer had visions. Finally, the Others made their exit, disappearing to The Temple for an entire season. Story wise, with the change from flashbacks to flashforwards, the emphasis of the entire show changed. The point was no longer who these characters were, but who they would become. This switch is something we all struggled with in Season Four. We were so used to getting to know the characters, that we had no idea how to just be “friends” and share a journey with them. Likewise, Season Four featured only one “traditional” flashback in The Other Woman, while Confirmed Dead, Meet Kevin Johnson, and Cabin Fever featured flashes more similar to 3 Minutes, The Other 48 Days, and The Brig. Yes, everything was so switched that, at times, Season Four felt like a sequel or spin-off series. Thus, this success is also the shortcoming of episode. There was such an attempt to conceal the twist that not enough attention was paid to the notion of putting the past to bed. We still had (have) so many questions about the past, that we weren’t (are not) ready to let it go. This Doberman like grasp is what made Rousseau’s death so disappointing. We wanted to see her flashback. In similar fashion, I was disappointed in Ben’s Season Four episode being a flashforward. I still wanted to know what happened to Annie. Therefore, while Through the Looking Glass was a smashing success as not only did we all go through the glass, but we smashed it, it failed in the sense that we weren’t quite ready for that journey. We went on it, but it hindered a season that already faced such challenges as only airing during the spring half of the television season, a shortened number of episodes, and an unforeseen writer’s strike.

This season’s finale was most successful in using the complete technique, which is not a surprise considering that before it even began the writers stated that they created a two part set up: the first half of the season would ask question and the second half would answer those questions. And the two parts did just as they said. The finale literally picked up where the Season Three finale left off, using our new information to explain what happened in that scene and what happens after it. It is common knowledge that Season Three was the season of the Others. Likewise, Season Two was the season of the Hatch. We now know that Season Four was the season of the Rescue. Thus, similar to the destruction of the Hatch, all concepts associated with the rescue were destroyed. The freighter was blown up. The island is gone. And like the switch at the end of Season Three, the characters all have new roles. Yes, Season Four was truly the most complete season. However, where it failed is in living up to expectations. The previous two finales were so ridiculous that it would have been nearly impossible for There’s No Place Like Home to live up to them, and it didn’t. I don’t mean to say the finale was awful, but comparatively, Season Two and Three’s finales were superior to Season One and Two’s. However, Season Four was extremely successful in telling a complete story and rectifying the failures of the Season Three finale. I no longer care about the past.

What do I care about? Over the remainder of this column, I’ll discuss these new roles for the characters and how they do create intrigue. I will follow it with a consideration of who we should trust, Ben or Charles Widmore. Finally, I will conclude with a statement concerning how the changes leave me as a LOST fan going into yet another eight month hiatus.

DEAD OR ALIVE

Let’s play a game. No, I’m not going to put you in a trap that is barely impossible to escape from and then claim I tried to help you save your life. Rather, I’m going to run down the list of LOST characters, starting from most dead and ending with most alive. Then, I will reveal who is the Most Screwed Character of Them All™.

Deader than a Doornail

This category is comprised of Michael and Keamy. Before the finale, I figured both of them were dead, and I definitely knew they were following the first part. When the C4 was revealed, I was sure that it was linked the device Keamy strapped to his arm, thus making it a heart rate monitor, thus meaning Keamy would die, the freighter would explode, and Michael would go down with it.

Say what you will about Keamy, but he was an ultimate badass, someone you would want to have on your team. In a way, he is one of the most tragic characters on the show. He had the potential of being an ultimate action hero villain (or hero? Movie casting directors, look into this idea), but was a short lived reoccurring role on the show. Additionally, who ultimately ended his life? Ben. Yeah, we know he is a bit more badass than he lets on (as seen in The Shape of Things to Come), but his “first” death as so much cooler. His fight with Sayid was awesome, and it said a lot that he could only be taken down by being shot in the back. Although, I suppose he was distracted by Locke enough for that fact to hold true. Regardless, Keamy, you will be missed. You were one of the most badass LOST villains.

Michael, on the other hand, will not be missed. When referring to the abbreviated season and the negative effects of the strike, Michael’s story must be noted. This season was supposed to be his redemptive arch. He is one of the most hated characters in LOST history. Consider the fact that the reason he is hated is for killing Ana Lucia and Libby. Now consider how hated Ana Lucia was (she barely even gets mentioned anymore). How hated must Michael be if people hate him for killing her? Thus, it would have taken a much more in-depth story to truly redeem him. However, they did clear up his story with Jin and Sun, the characters he was most involved with from the beginning. The problem is, though he tried to make sure Jin took responsibility for his own son, Michael did not take responsibility for Walt.

Probably Most Likely Almost Certainly Dead

It comes as no surprise that Jin died. He was this season’s Charlie. What is so disappointing is that he didn’t go out the way Charlie did. He went out because Jack was a douchebag. Although, if they had waited thirty more seconds for Jin before they took off, would the chopper have blown up with the freighter? Perhaps, yet still, Jin essentially went out begging for his life, yelling at the top of his lungs for the chopper to come back. I would have at least liked to see him try and clip one of the wires, or tell Michael which wire to try and cut. I mean, he’s Asian, he should be good at that kind of stuff, right?

(ABC Pop-up: This statement is a politically incorrect style quip that Jayemel has made in many past columns.)

While his death scene may have been wussy, like Charlie, he completed a full arc that inverted his character. In the first few episodes, he seemed like a jerk. The writers played up the Korean male dominated culture stereotype. He seemed to mistreat Sun. But, in what would appear to be the opposite of that stereotype, he gave his life for his wife. There is the smallest off chance that he dove off the boat at the last second, but I doubt it. Thus, I will say that Jin was one of my favorite characters on LOST. He was a true badass who took care of his own business and let others worry about theirs. Amidst the storm of weird occurrences, he always seemed to be an anchor of simplicity through hard work and respect.

Dead, but Not Really

Oh John Locke, are you nothing more than Season Five’s Charlie and Jin? I’m going to have to say no for three reasons. First of all, there is no way these writers are going to use the same storytelling technique for three seasons in a row. Second of all, the biblical imagery surrounding him is too strong. Did you see the way he came down the mountain and became the leader of the Others? The scene was right out of The 10 Commandments. Thirdly, Locke has been tied up with the mythology of this show from the beginning. He will be there at the end. So what’s going to happen to him? It has been insinuated that Locke was an immaculate conception. He has tried to be reborn several times. Now he really is going to be reborn. Locke is the Jesus figure of this story. He is going to out Jordan Collier Jordan Collier (that’s a 4400 reference). As for the shock of him being in the coffin, the reveal wasn’t when I was shocked. Since the whole episode built to us believing Ben was in the coffin, I was shocked and figured out the reveal when Ben walked into the room. The final shot was just very artistic confirmation.

Maybe Dead, Maybe Claire

Claire, we hardly knew you, mostly because you were hardly in the finale. Do I want you to be dead? No. Do I think you are? Considering you hang out with Christian and appeared in Kate’s dream, I do more so now. There is still the outside possibility Christian never died or the island brought you and him back (like they will Locke) and you can only live on the island.

Alive, but Not Really

This category encompasses two characters who have the biggest potential for an upward turn in their story arc: Ben and Jack. I’ll touch on Ben later as part of the Ben vs. Widmore consideration, but I do have to ask what good is he if he can’t get back to the island? Of course, that question assumes he wasn’t lying when he said he wouldn’t be allowed to come back.

I only see one way for Jack to possible redeem himself now: The Ultimate Sacrifice™. Thus, I say that he is alive, but not really. Has anyone degenerated more than him? He went from the guy Kate admires, to the man she berates and slaps before driving off. Jin’s death is (arguably) his fault. Every decision he has made since Day One has led to negative consequences. And he still refuses to believe that the island is “special.” He saw the island disappear and wouldn’t admit it was a miracle. Look, I know I’ve been critical of Jack pretty much since after the opening nine minutes of the series, but it’s clear that the writers are in line with this conception of his character. The question now becomes if he is going to be able to redeem himself. If he is, the only way he can is to give his life (which makes sense if Christian and Claire, his family, are both dead). His possible redemption is tied up with whether they have to go back, which is now tied up with Ben’s possible evilness.

Alive and Kickin'

Sayid, Hurley, Kate, Desmond, and Frank are the characters that are all alive off the island and living (relatively) normal lives. Of those five, Hurley and Sayid have the least normal lives and are now intertwined, as Sayid came to “rescue” Hurley from the asylum. Frank is the least interesting of the three and we may not ever see him again, though I wouldn’t be surprised if we did. Kate and Desmond are perhaps the most interesting of the five. Kate is seemingly the least likely to go back with Jack, especially considering her dream of Claire telling her not to take Aaron back to the island. Essentially, she now has Claire’s blessing to raise Aaron. Then again, way back in Season One, Claire was told Aaron couldn’t be raised by another. That line was likely just to confuse us and doesn’t have any bearing anymore though. Likewise, I have to wonder what Desmond has to do with this whole going back to the island thing. Is he included in the “everyone” that Ben told Jack is needed to go back? If so, that storyline will most definitely intersect with Ben trying to kill Penny. Does Ben known about Desmond and Penny? Most likely. Will Penny become a series regular? Will she and Desmond side with her father or Ben? Was Desmond’s return not publicized because no one besides Penny and her father knew he was missing?

Alive and Bitchin'

Sun took a major step into the mythology of this show. Seemingly, she allied herself with Charles Widmore, which would seemingly put her at odds with Jack and Ben. What is she going to discuss with Widmore? Will she run into Desmond and Penny? Regardless, like Jin, her character has been inverted from the Korean stereotype. After buying her father’s company, she became a single mother CEO. Could there be more of a symbolic strong woman? It now also seems like she will be extremely tied up with the series finale and we have to choose whose side we’re on, her’s or Jack. Well, in The Midside we’re on her side.

Alive and Missin'

On the island are the Others, Miles, Charlotte, Sawyer, Juliet, and Locke. I previously discussed Locke, so I won’t go into him again. Miles seems to be the least interesting of the characters, as we don’t really know much about him. Is he staying because he has mystical powers and the island is mystical? Charlotte is a bit more interesting because apparently she’s been to the island before. How was she on the island before? Was she part of Dharma? Is that why she found the polar bear in the desert, as there is now pretty much a confirmed link between the island and North-Western Africa? As for Sawyer and Juliet, Juliet pretty much did nothing again and Sawyer did what was expected. He made a sacrifice as expected. Thankfully though, his sacrifice was only a “well-somebody-has-got-to-make-this-almost-meaningless-sacrifice” sacrifice. Now that that event is done with, it’ll be interesting to see what happens with his character, especially because he’s seemingly stuck with Juliet. Is something going to happen between the two of them? Interestingly, the scene where he got out of the water shirtless to talk to Juliet mirrored the season one “Hell of a book. It’s about bunnies.” scene with Kate. Were the writers foreshadowing something between the two of them? While he and Kate are obviously in love (yes, it’s confirmed, I’m no longer having this debate, go watch the finale again if you’re too stupid to see it), I wouldn’t really blame the two of them as they probably think their trapped on the island for the rest of their lives. Of course, if the island really shifted into the future (Ben was seemingly transported into the Sahara desert right after he shifted the island in time, if it did shift in time. Is that also the point in time the island stopped at? I know there’s a timeline on Lostpedia, but someone needs to make a visual timeline website.), would they even have time to start something? Three years for the Oceanic Six may have been a matter of months, weeks, or days for the island. And by the way, sitting on the beach drinking rum on an island with no hope for rescue or escape is without-a-doubt a Pirates of the Caribbean reference. Someone send in the sea turtles.

Most Screwed Character of Them All™

You’ve waited for it, and here it is, the final reveal of the most screwed character of them all: Daniel Farraday. Am I the only one who is concerned about what is going to happen to him? I’m not even referring to life or death situation, to which he could also be completely screwed. I’m talking about his complete lack of a storyline. Sure, he loves Charlotte, but so what? Jin loved Sun. Charlie loved Claire. You get my point. But do you have any idea where he is right now? He’s in the middle of the South Pacific with a bunch of redshirts in a Zodiac. Am I supposed to believe the Zodiac can get them all the way to an island? Look at the website if you don’t share my disbelief: http://www.zodiacmarineusa.com/the-zodiac-range/?the-zodiac-boats. Also, like I said, everyone in the Zodiac, except Daniel, is a redshirt. That fact is not a good omen. Good thing he’s eccentric and interesting, otherwise, I would write him off.

BEN VS WIDMORE

From the first episode of this show, the entire notion of “two players, one light, one dark” playing a game has been in place. The imagery was even brought back in this episode, as Hurley was playing chess “with Mr. Eko.” The chess pieces are light and dark. Hurley and Mr. Eko are light and dark. Now, as it would seem, the two players are Widmore and Ben. Although, it is important to note that, with Locke supposedly replacing Ben, it could be Locke and Widmore. That apparent replacement is probably just part of Ben’s overall plan though.

If those are the two sides, we have to decide which one we fall on. For me, the answer is simple. I’m on Widmore’s side. The only thing he has really that I didn’t like is the way he treated Desmond, but I can easily see him coming to respect the man his daughter loves. Likewise, I don’t blame Widmore for Alex death. First off, the question is still up in the air as to if Widmore ordered her to be killed. In The Shape of Things to Come, Charles even blamed Ben for her death. And you know what? I agree with him. If Ben had never taken Alex from Rousseau, she most likely wouldn’t be dead (and neither would Rousseau or Karl for that matter). The argument against Widmore, of course, is that the devil you know (Ben) is better than the devil you don’t, and that the writers could be going with typical storytelling, with the corporate guy (Widmore) being evil. However, I respond to that argument by asking when the writers have even gone with typical storytelling.

Once again, in this episode, Ben proved to me why he is evil. He killed Keamy, condemning everyone on the boat, in a moment of pure emotion. The action is entirely selfish and short sighted. Of course, the argument against that claim is what Ben himself said in the episode, everyone makes mistakes in the heat of the moment. Thus, my problem with Ben is that he continually makes the same mistakes over and over again, and he is a master of spin. Take his approach to Alex’s death. He has convinced himself that he is in no way to blame for her death, even though Widmore rightly pointed out in their conversation who does all the messed up things. As I’ve continually said here in The Midside, Ben has a history of committing atrocious acts. How can such a person be considered good? The only way Ben can be redeemed is if he has some ultimate good he is doing all these things for, and that good would have to be the ultimate ultimate ultimate good that preserves the victory of good over evil in THE UNIVERSE.

That’s where I stand, what about you?

FREDDY ADIEU

Another year and another season passed. I’m not quite sure if I’m as passionate about LOST as I have been in the past. Sure, I’ll continue to watch the show and write these columns, but my love for the show is mitigated that the next season will apparently flow through Jack. I don’t exactly want to watch a show that is all about Jack making people believe him and then saving the day. Of course, what tempers that is the possibility they don’t have to go back and the role of Charles Widmore in the story. Part of the reason I’m a bit tentative heading into the hiatus is that most of the characters I enjoy are seemingly left without a storyline. Sawyer, Desmond, Farraday, and Juliet are all essentially MIA. Sayid is, thankfully, wrapped up in the main plot. Hopefully we find out where the island is very quickly in Season Five. Otherwise, I’m not quite sure about where this show is headed.

Thanks for surfing through this season. I hope you enjoyed The Midside. I certainly did. I’ll be back when episodes start up again. If you need your Jayemel fix over the hiatus, check out my blog, where I’ve also been cross posting these columns, at http://themidside.blogspot.com/. There I post movie reviews and anything else that comes to my mind. And, of course, if you disagree with anything written there, than you know what you can do:

Shut up, you’re wrong.

Jayemel can be reached by email at jmlesniewski@gmail.com.

Indiana Jones and the, uh, what?

I'm not even exactly sure how to describe what I just saw. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull feels like two different types of movies in one, split at the halfway point. All I'm left with are uncertain thoughts as to which of those types it is striving to be. Did I enjoy the movie? Yes, but what began as vintage sequel setup with hints of cheese degenerated into a ludicrous plot that needed me to turn my brain off to excuse it .

The story begins unassumingly. Indy is in the clutches of the KGB, meaning this time, as we are picking up 19 years later, the communists are the villains rather than the Nazis. The comrades want Dr. Jones to tell them where a unique artifact is and he does, but then, of course, escapes in heroic fashion. It is an opening that is classic for the series. The bad guys want his knowledge. He plays along until he can get away. Still, it's not an opening without hints of the coming decline.

The setting for this dramatic escape from the communists is Roswell, New Mexico, specifically Area 51. The second I saw those numbers on the door I expected that this tale was going in a different direction. My suspicions were confirmed when the Russians opened the artifact to find a body that looked...no, it couldn't be alien. Before I had a chance to grapple with this possibility, Indy stumbled into an atomic bomb test town in the middle of the desert. I'll let you see for yourself how he survives. Even more ridiculous than that escape is that the wake he subsequently gets caught in is not from the bomb, but McCarthyism, as he is accused of being a communist (by the janitor from Scrubs!) and fired from his tenured teaching job.

Shia LaBeouf's introduction into the story as Mutt Williams steers things back on track. He has information for Indy and the pair travel to South America and act like archeologists. Along the way they throw punches, trade jokes, ride motorcycles, and uncover clues. This point is where the movies soars. It is Indiana Jones. I'd forgotten Harrison Ford's age. Labeouf was engaging. The shortsighted nature of the movie still lurked beneath the surface though. LaBeouf's character's leather jacket and need to constantly comb his hair reminded me that the attempt to establish a 1950s setting was incredibly cliche.

The remainder of the movie played more like a thrill ride designed for Disney World by George Lucas than an honest attempt at another Indiana Jones installment. A better name for it would have been "Indiana Jones and the Sci-Fi Adventure." Perhaps it was inevitable that Lucas mixed his love for science fiction and Indiana Jones, but the ending was so nonsensical that it would have been an improvement if Indy stood face to face with Han Solo followed by an immediate cut to the credits. Then, I would have applauded what was surely an attempt at self parody. Now, from the penchant for CGI animals to the need to add the word "interdimensional," I'm not sure what I saw, and I'm a science fiction fan who can appreciate Stargate, Sliders, and Dr. Who.

2.5/5 Stars

The Midside: S4E12 There’s No Place Like Home Part 1

I don’t think we’re in the first four seasons anymore, Dorothy. When I first hear the phrase “there’s no place like home” I recall the oft-referenced (in LOST) Wizard of Oz in which it took on a positive meaning due to Dorothy’s childish affinity for home. I then think over what we’ve seen of the flashforwards so far and realize the ironic use of the title. Yes, there is no place like home (there is arguably no place like every place, as every place has unique elements), but in the Wizard of Oz getting home is a good thing and in LOST getting home is a bad thing. Of course, getting home could be a good thing. The island or Jacob or whoever could be manipulating the Oceanic Six to believe getting off the island is a bad thing.

There is not much to analyze and discuss in this week’s episode. The main reason for that condition is that this episode isn’t really a standalone episode. What we’re essentially getting when we combine this week’s episode with the following two parts of it (which will air in two weeks) is a 120 minute LOST movie. I would call it a made-for-TV movie, but that labeling would be redundant as LOST is always made-for-TV. Thus, analyzing the first 40 minutes without the following 80 would be fruitless. How do you understand what the exposition means without the conclusion? No, instead we have to wait for two weeks, letting Gay’s Anatomy have the timeslot next week.

Speaking of which, in this week’s Gay’s Anatomy we’re railing against fairytale. Apparently, they’re not real (Really? My world is shattered.) and we should try and live in reality. Also, the main character ended the episode talking to her psychiatrist again, this time stating, “So you thin I’m broken? Fix me.” Wow, it only took what, three seasons, to get to the point that you realize you’re a screw up? I’ll fix you. Here’s Jayemel’s four step plan to not being a Gay’s Anatomy screw up:

1. Stop Talking.
2. Do Something.
3. Respect Yourself.
4. Read The Midside.

Follow those four steps and you too can be as awesome as me, Sawyer, House, Jack Sparrow, and Jack Bauer. Let’s help you with step four, hmm?

VIGNETTES

-I liked the way the panel interview was done for the return of the Oceanic 6. Although, it was reminiscent of panels at media conventions that the writers have participated in. I wonder how much they drew on their experiences to create the scene. Also, I was really glad the one reporter asked the question about Kate being six months pregnant when the Marshal captured her and when she gave birth on the island. I suppose they could create that lie as the Marshall and Ray were the last two people to see her off the island, so there would be no record, but you have to wonder how many smart people realize that it’s ridiculous she would get pregnant while on the run and that she would be able to save people from a plane crash while six months pregnant. Also, we still need to find out who the other two who supposedly survived and then died are.

-Seeing the Oceanic Six interact off the island was actually quite enjoyable. The most touching part was Hurley’s party. Everyone was so pleasant there and Hurley’s father has truly turned the corner. It was awesome that he gave Hurley the car, the same car Hurley was driving in the season premiere. Then, we saw why the premiere was a Hurley episode. He is the one whose life begins to unravel first. Is it unraveling because it’s supposed to or because he’s letting it? Who knows. Locke and Ben would surely say it’s supposed to, but the destiny question is far from settled.

-It was kind of random that they had a memorial service for Jack’s dad so long after he died. I guess, with him dying and then the plane crash, his mother was just too stressed and probably didn’t want to hold a memorial service/funeral for her husband and her son. Still, part of me felt like the memorial service was just an excuse to have Claire’s mother confront Jack with the knowledge that Claire is his half sister. Which proves, by the way, that Jack was being extremely venomous with the line, “You’re not even related to him.” Now I wonder where the scenes in these flashforwards in relation to Kate’s trial. I’m guessing that since she is free and seems to be getting along with Jack, they are after the trial.

-I’m really glad they brought the actress who plays Nadia back. When they killed her off in Ben’s flashforward earlier this season, I thought we would never see the character again. That outcome would have been an injustice to the character and the storyline. And Sayid and Nadia looked happy and good together. Her death really reminds me that the writers are trying to twist the typical endgame of a show. Sayid finding and marrying Nadia seems like it should be the end of his story. But it’s not. She dies. What is the end of his story then?

-Probably the funniest part of the episode was when Kate and Jack ran into Sawyer in the jungle. No, it wasn’t funny when they started fighting. I’ll admit that it’s a tad bit funny that with all this danger around and having not seen each other for awhile the first thing they do is almost come to blows. What was ridiculous was how Kate somehow ended up with the baby and they ran away. “Uh, give the baby to the women and then RUN.” The situation only became more ridiculous from there too. Like a prop, Kate passed Aaron off to Sun, who wandered around the freighter alone. You would think that the lady with two babies would be the most important person on the whole island. Which I suppose is what the writers were going for with the whole “the freighter is the safest place to be right now…except for the ludicrous amounts of C4 on it!”

-What I’m most looking forward to finding out in the next eighty minutes is what happens to Juliet, Desmond, and Michael. Do they get off the island? If so, how is their return explained? Are they quietly reintroduced to society without fanfare? Speaking of eighty minutes, did anyone see 88 Minutes starring Al Pacino? It seemed like a decent premise.

-Thankfully, Richard and the Others are back. They’ve been chilling at the Temple all season and I’ve been wondering when we were going to see that location or them again. I was seriously hoping the writers weren’t just going to ignore them for the rest of the series. I don’t think it would have been possible for them to do so though. Amidst this apparent war between Widmore and Ben, the Others are surely a third group that confuse everything. Oh, and Richard is intriguingly immortal.

FREDDY ADIEU

I apologize for my brevity this week. As explained earlier, there really isn’t much for me to say. Does my lack of a response mean the episode was bad? No, it wasn’t a real episode. It’s not meant to stand alone, so how can I wrote a complete stand alone column for it? I can’t. And if you disagree with that logic and think it’s just an excuse for me to be lazy, well then, there’s only one thing to say:

Shut up, you’re wrong.

Jayemel can be reached by email at jmlesniewski@gmail.com.

The Midside: S4E11 Cabin Fever

Another week, another episode, and LOST is back to form…sort of. It’s the tail end of the season and we just had a Jack episode that made us question what in the heck is going on and a Locke episode that made us feel like there is a plan to everything. I’m still not as sold on the Locke episode as the Jack episode (no, nowhere did I say I disliked the episode last week), especially with the use of the flashback rather than a flashforward. But first, the Gay’s Anatomy update:

A male soldier dies and another male soldier comes into this room and kisses him on the lips. Sidestepping the weird necrophilia side of that scene, apparently there was a storyline criticizing the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy in the military which protects gays as much as anyone else. This trite scene transitions into the main character’s psychiatrist explaining how the two gay servicemen are a metaphor for her life. Wow, some respect for your fanbase. You actually have to write in a character to explain everything to them. And on top of that, aren’t we all just victims of an oppressive homophobic patriarchal system bent on denying us health and happiness?

(That was sarcasm, by the way.)

We do know, however, that Locke is a victim. But is he a victim of himself or Jacob (or someone else?)

DON’T TELL ME WHAT I CAN’T DO!

No, I won’t tell you what you can’t do. (So I will tell you what you can do?) But, now I have to wonder about the meaning of Locke’s catchphrase. In the beginning, it was a cry of empowerment. When someone told him he couldn’t do something, he said it, and did it anyway. Now though, I wonder if the point is that someone can tell him what he can’t do.

The entire scene with his teacher in high school played as if the teacher was right. Dude, Locke, you’re a nerd, let it go. I’m all for coming to terms with yourself and your talents, but the entire reason I have sympathy for Locke at all is that his catchphrase is right. The only person who can tell a person what he can’t do is himself (or insert the Eleanor Roosevelt quote here if you’d like). So, while Locke’s talents may have been with the sciences, if he didn’t want to be a scientist, he didn’t have to. However, the teacher’s speech seemed to be playing on the irony that Locke needs to just give in to Jacob. (I say Jacob for simplicity of discussion, but who knows who is telling Locke what to do.)

And it is that irony that is so interesting. From the beginning, Locke didn’t what he was told he couldn’t. He went on a walkabout. He hunted in the jungle. Heck, he was able to walk again. He certainly isn’t a scientist either. In fact, he’s seemingly fighting against scientists. It was his determination to do what he wanted and not what anyone else told him to do that brought him to the island and Jacob’s cabin. However, once he got to Jacob’s island, he became controlled.

Now, I could launch into an entire discussion of free will and determinism here, but I won’t. Rather, I’ll say this: Locke is making his own decisions. However, he lived his whole life to make decisions solely on his own input. He fought so hard to not be controlled by the absence of his father figure. It has come to the point that he has traded that father figure for another father figure. Jacob, not Anthony Cooper, is now Locke’s father. And instead of Locke realizing he is being controlled, he just strolls along merrily through the jungle thinking he is acting of his own volition. Once again, I don’t mean to say that Locke isn’t making his own choices or isn’t responsible for his actions. I’m just saying his catchphrase now seems to be: “Don’t tell me what I can do, unless you’re Jacob.”

What further confuses the issue is Richard’s walking out on Locke when he said the knife belonged to him. Like I said, the knife is symbolic of Locke’s journey to the island, which is obviously essential to him being under Jacob’s control. So then, why would Richard not want young Locke to claim possession of the knife? I have to wonder if Richard is associated with Jacob at all. If he is, does that assume determinism and Richard had to deny Locke the knife to mess with his head so he could get to the island later on? If he isn’t, what does his involvement do to the entire Widmore v Ben dichotomy that the show has set up this season? Richard has always seemed to be on his own team. What if the two sides are really Richard v Jacob?

Also of note in the Richard test for young Locke is the use of a compass. This item connects directly to the video game in which the main character must find a compass to the point “the way home” (via domus). Who does he talk to concerning the compass that explains it all to him? Yup, you guessed it, Locke.

Finally, it also interested me that Ben called Locke out on his manipulation tactics. I’ve been calling Locke a manipulative bastard since day one. He has always had a way of twisting whatever conversation to get the other person to believe him and do what he wants. Thankfully, unlike Ben, he doesn’t get people to do anything to ridiculous or over the top.

THE REST OF THE TRIBE

Speaking of Ben, the continued de-vilification of him is starting to annoy me. Apparently this week we are supposed to buy the fact that his actions aren’t his fault because it wasn’t his idea. It’s the old “Jacob made me do it” argument for innocence. I mean, seriously, as I’ve said over and over and over again, how can a man be absolved for ordering the deaths of hundreds of people? Then, he once again asked for sympathy for the fact that his ‘daughter’s blood is on his hands.” Are you kidding me? She wasn’t even your daughter.

In another stupid Jack move, not only did he get out of bed and risk ripping his stitches (much to Juliet’s chagrin), but he nearly got himself killed. I know what you’re thinking: there was no imminent danger to anyone on the beach in this episode. I only have to ask you what I would ask Jack: have you been paying attention to what’s going on? You know a bunch of people are going to come to the island and try and kill all of you. Then, a helicopter flies overhead, a helicopter than you know belongs to the people who are going to try and kill you. Then, something is dropped out of the helicopter. What do you do? Well, apparently if you’re Jack, you run to it. What do you do if you’re me? Run away from it and yell, “Get down!” Why? Because my first instinct was that it was a bomb! They’re going to try and kill you and drop something into the middle of your camp. Why wouldn’t you think it was a bomb? If you get down and it doesn’t explode, because it isn’t a bomb or it’s a motion sensitive bomb, then you can approach it slowly and carefully.

I guess what we’re led to believe concerning this backpack is that Frank threw it out so the people on the beach could follow the helicopter. I’m not so sure that he is the one that threw it out though. First off, if the commandos wanted to kill the people on the beach, why would they fly past them? Land on the beach, shoot them all, pile back in the helicopter, and fly somewhere else. It would be like shooting fish in a barrel (or unarmed people in a small location such as a beach). Second off, how could Frank drop something out of the helicopter without being noticed and then punished? Then again, he’s too valuable to kill or maim too badly, so what’s a little physical pain to save lives? Still, the commandos may not be interested in killing everyone everyone and may have thrown the back out of the helicopter. What could everyone mean if it doesn’t mean everyone then? Well, add a qualifier to it and the meaning changes. Maybe it’s everyone allied with Ben. Maybe it’s everyone at the temple. If this twist is the meaning is correct, it would have to be understood by Widmore’s crew, which makes perfect sense, as the mission would be explained to all of them.

I’m actually pretty disappointed the captain of the ship died. He was turning out to be a pretty smart, moral, and no nonsense guy. Although, he wasn’t all that smart, as he would have had a better plan than “I fixed your gun.” Regardless, maybe I’m a little late in realizing this, but it seems like authority figures are continually killed or undermined as a way of letting “everyone else” fend for themselves. The only people who have had a consistent power role are Jack, Ben, and Widmore. And even Ben’s control seemed to be very tenuous. People seemed to put up with him more than listen to him.

Desmond staying on the boat was very interesting to me. Once again, I loved his reaction of “That island? Pfft, yeah right. I’m staying here.” Any rational person (who wanted off the island) would have the same exact reaction. What I want to know though is where he is in the flash forwards? Yes, he wouldn’t be part of the Oceanic Six because he wasn’t on the plane, but wouldn’t a long missing man being found be big news (especially at the same time as the Oceanic Six). If Natalie Holloway was found tomorrow, it’d be a huge story. Then again, it was a huge story to begin with. What I’m thinking though is that Widmore somehow covers up Desmond being found. Maybe something Desmond did on the island makes him an ally of Widmore. Maybe Widmore finally respects him. Or maybe it has something to do with Penny’s artic station from the end of Season Two.

LOSTOLOGY

The most interesting piece of information revealed this week is Christian as Jacob’s mouthpiece. I’m ready to declare Christian as alive. We never saw the body. We never saw him die. All we had was the heart attack story. But if he didn’t die, we would have to assume an extremely devious side to him, one I’m not quite sure I’m ready to grant.

Here’s the problem I’ve having. In a lot of the flashbacks, Christian doesn’t seem like he’s being particularly deceptive. He drinks a lot. He messes up a lot. Heck, he bangs on Claire’s mother’s door in the pouring rain in Australia. Are we supposed to believe that these moments are deception and not earnest emotion? In other words, did he have to act like a drunk and a mess up in order for the plan to go through?

Likewise, Claire looked down right evil in this episode. She had a look on her face that was just calm confidence as if everything was under control. Not only was I impressed by Emilie de Ravin’s acting chops in this scene, but it made me question Claire’s history as a character. My first instinct, especially with her look and Christian saying he spoke for Jacob, was that she was Jacob. But Christian was born before her, so that doesn’t really make sense. My second instinct is that Christian told her a lot of what’s going on, or something that is going on, which changed her perspective on everything.

My second thought is where I’m inclined to lean right now. I’m not ready to invalidate all of Claire’s and Christian’s flashback moments as some sort of devious acting job. Rather, Christian may have even died, but, at some point, someone or something, perhaps Jacob, told them about the puzzle and their pieces in it, and it changed their perspective on everything. Though, there is a certain appeal to Christian’s life being a lie and him raising Jack to be a douchebag because he had to be a douchebag for the plan to work perfectly.

A final thought is that Christian is dead and Jacob reanimated him by taking possession of his body. This would explain both him appearing and disappearing in Jack’s flashforward and his comment of saying he speaks for Jacob. If Jacob is possessing him then, technically, Christian is the one speaking, but he is speaking Jacob’s thoughts and ideas. Although, the disappearing and reappearing can be explained by saying that Christian is one of those course correction people like Ms. Hawking from Flashes Before Your Eyes. And maybe the ability is genetic and Claire, Jack, and Aaron have it. Or maybe just Claire and Aaron have it.

The other interesting thing was the time delay. Apparently the island is ahead of the freighter by a certain amount of time, although I don’t know how much. What this lapse does is, once again, bring up the question of determinism. Is everything determined? It would seem like the death of the freighter’s doctor was. It also raises the possibility that someone on the island can control the events of the world. If the island is ahead, someone on it can look at what’s happening and then go back and change it. So, maybe an event is only determined if it interacts with the island, such as the doctor’s body did. It is also interesting to note that the one commando seemed to understand what was going on with the time lapse. When the doctor said it was crazy, he asked if it actually was.

I also have to wonder what this time lapse means for the movement of the island Locke is supposed to perform. Where is he supposed to move? Through the ocean? Into the sky? Through time? In between dimensions? The movement through the ocean would certainly explain how a Nigerian drug plane ended up on the island, but if the island was moved so recently, why is Locke needed to move it now? There is something unique about this story, this time, even in the unique history of the island, that makes it ridiculously important.

FREDDY ADIEU

Many of you may have noticed how I’ve completely sidestepped a discussion of the amount of screen time for characters in this episode. I have done so because I am saving it for the end of the season. To hint at why, I will say the following: I think it’s ridiculous to not have a Claire or Sawyer episode in this season, but at least Claire has an important role now. Sure, you can blame it on the writers’ strike, but that explanation is a cop out.

But hey, Nate, you were right, although, I am disappointed with the Locke flashback because it felt like filler. It looks like you can disagree with me and be right though. And if you disagree with that then:

Shut up, you’re wrong.

Jayemel can be reached by email at jmlesniewski@gmail.com.

The Midside: S4E10 Something Nice Back Home

No, not something nice back home, not something nice on the island, not something nice at all, wherever it occurs, whenever it occurs. What am I referring to? The utterly painful imagery that the opening of this episode was. You see, I turned into ABC about five minutes early. Rather than continuing to play my new Wii, I figured that I would just wait for LOST to start, because if I kept playing, I would surely lose track of time and miss the opening to the episode. What I found on ABC was the end of Gay’s Anatomy.

Yes, I know the changing of the word Grey’s to Gay’s is neither mature nor clever, but that condition is what makes it perfect to describe the shallow show. Surprisingly, I handled the small bit of suffering well. I decided I was going to begin this column, and every subsequent column, with a Gay’s update (the main character was told by the character with a spin off not to let the doctor the both love stay with a third woman I never had the [dis]pleasure of seeing, I’m more confused writing that summary than I ever am watching LOST). However, the opening five minutes of LOST were so jarring, that my idea was obsolete. I would begin the column how I am beginning it now. (This is all so meta.)

First, we were greeted with the realization that this episode was a Jack flash forward. Ok, I could deal with that too. From last week’s previews, I had a pretty good idea it would be a Jack episode. There are always Jack episodes, and sometimes they don’t suck. Then, Jack gets out of bed and puts away some unknown woman’s underwear. Great, just what I need, another Stranger in a Strange Land. Jack tries to have a romantic relationship and screws it up because he’s too much of a douchebag. PUT IT ON ME! Is that some kind of S&M thing, Jack? Yawn, we’ve seen it before.

To make matters worse, Jack opens the newspaper and what is one of the biggest headlines, at least the one my eyes were drawn to? “Yankees bludgeon Sox in series.” Initially, I was confused. Are the flash forwards an alternative universe? The Yankees are still a good team, but they haven’t really pulled anything over the Red Sox since the 90s. Then I remember two series in Boston that the Yankees swept the Red Sox, one in August 2006 (5-0) and one in August 2007 (3-0). The 2006 series would fit more with the use of the verb “bludgeon” in the headline and with the supposed date of the Through The Looking Glass flashforward (April 2007). Regardless, I’m thoroughly convinced someone on the writing staff is a Yankees fan and has been inserting Yankees references this season because they can’t deal with how good the Red Sox are now. Remember how they also made Frank a Yankees fan. It’s annoying, but also funny in a way. If that’s how Yankees fans need to make themselves feel better, I’m cool with it. We’ll just keep winning World Series. Now, let’s just hope the Celtics can pull out Game 7 against the Hawks.

Then the worst of all happened. After trying to conceal who the woman in Jack’s house was by disguising her voice in the shower, she emerged from the shower to show us she is Kate. I was floored. Has this been the plan from day one? The scene was clearly a throwback to the awkward Hatch shower scene from season two. Regardless of if it was planned or not, it was still good writing…and I was still incensed. I take my friend on the west coast “NOOOOO.” It was the first time I sent her a semi-spoiler, completely breaking my LOST code, but she later told me it prepared her for the episode, so I think I did a greater good with the move. I, on the other hand, was forced to suffer through nearly an entire episode of Jack-assery.

PUT IT ON ME!

Look, I’m not saying Jack doesn’t have his moment. My dislike for him doesn’t solely come from his intentions. Sometimes, he does have good intentions (although, the road to hell is pave with good intentions). The main problem with Jack is his ridiculously obsessive nature. He can’t let anything go. Ever. Sometimes, the inability to let things go makes a good leader. Bill Belichick is as obsessive as they come. When it comes to the Xs and Os of football strategy, he doesn’t let anything go. At the end of every practice, the team runs through situations, preparing themselves for every possibility. Nothing can slip through the cracks. But you know what his obsessive nature has cost Bill? His wife. A positive public opinion. The ability to do anything else with his life. He eats, sleeps, and breathes football and probably not much else, if anything at all.

For those of you keep score out there, yes, I did just compare Jack, a character I hate, to Bill Belichick, a coach who I deeply admire for his commitment to the game and what he has done for the Patriots franchise. Hey, this is The Midside. What’s fair is fair. Jack isn’t all bad.

No, he’s not all bad, but he’s still the biggest Jack-ass on the island. I mean, he needed an appendectomy and he refused to be knocked out. He needed to use a mirror to see what was going on! It’s not as if the surgery was complex. He wasn’t having open heart surgery. Although, it would be funny if he was and he refused to be knocked out for it. I WANT TO FEEL IT WHEN YOU CRACK MY RIBS! No, it was a common routine surgery and he couldn’t let Juliet, an accomplished doctor, do her thing. He couldn’t trust her to take care of business. He can’t ever trust anything. Say what you will about Belichick, but at least he trusts Tom Brady. Who is Jack’s Brady? If he truly loved Kate, it would be her, but, clearly, she’s only his nurse.

I don’t even know how to describe what occurred over most of the episode, the flashforward and on island time. Suddenly, Juliet feels as if Jack was kissing her to prove something to himself (that he didn’t love Kate), rather than actually kissing Juliet. I suppose the assertion makes sense in a way. The Jack/Juliet kiss did kind of suck, but so has every Jack and whoever kiss, except for in this episode.

I’m not going to complain about seeing Kate in her underwear. Heck, at times, that was the only thing keeping me going in the episode. I just have to ask, who walks around like that, especially in the middle of the day? The whole thing seemed like some fantasy in Jack’s head, which I suppose was Hurley’s point in their little meeting. It wasn’t real. And here’s where the end of the episode saved everything for me.

It was inevitable that Jack was doing to degenerate into his doucebaggery. He always does. It’s a regular as the sun rising and setting. However, what the writers didn’t have to do was make his douchebaggery be the end of the relationship, but they did. From day one, I’ve been saying that Jack and Kate is based on a lie, a flash premise. It’s about their own shortcomings (what they wish they could seem themselves as), rather than what they are. Kate wishes she was “good enough” for a doctor. Jack wishes he was “good enough” to save Kate. Well, this entire episode was them wishing they were good enough, and actually loved each other enough, to have a family together. But, the family was literally based on a lie. Aaron isn’t their son. Jack acknowledged this when he screamed, “You’re not even related to him!” Then, he wouldn’t let the whole “who did Kate do a favor for?” thing go, proving that Sawyer is still the elephant in the room. Remember how Kate had to leave Mal in I Do because she just couldn’t have that perfect life? The same thing happened her. Mal was a cop. Jack is a doctor. Life was the way it’s “supposed to be.” Supposed to be doesn’t work for Kate. It doesn’t work for any of these characters. That truth is one of the guiding principles of the show.

The final scene of Through the Looking Glass is starting to make a lot more sense. I still don’t know if Jack was right and they do still have to go back, but Jack does need to go back. The island is the only place where life makes sense for him. But we knew that. What we now know is why Kate was crying. She was crying because she finally realized that she can’t have that “supposed to be” life. She had the guy who wouldn’t become a douchebag (Mal in I Do) and now the other guy, who she had built up in her mind, is a douchebag. He’s addicted to pen medicine, a drunk, and wishing planes would crash. And if he does go back, you know who Kate has to face? Herself, and that’s the scariest thing of all to her.

(Note: I know Kate’s husband’s name was Kevin, but the same actor played Captain Malcom Reynolds in Firefly/Serenity, so I choose to refer to him by that name.)

THE REST OF THE TRIBE

Speaking of Kate refusing to face herself, I don’t want to absolve her from guilt in the fight with Jack. She should have just told him what she was doing. My friend insists she didn’t tell Jack because she still loves or has feelings for Sawyer. The logic goes that if there were no feelings, there would be nothing to hide, but since she did hide the events, there is something to hide. Her not telling Jack only spurred him on. She should have known better than to egg him on in that manner. It was like when he demanded Sarah tell him who the other man is. Now I wonder if the whole Jack/Sarah relationship was written with that intentional parallel in mind. Although, I have to say, hey Jack, you know who doesn’t have another man? Juliet.

Juliet is without-a-doubt the one who Jack belongs with. He needs someone to control his obsessions and she can. Would anyone else have the balls to tell Bernard to knock him out? No, but she did. (And, by the way, I like the Bernard is around more now.) She is also the awesome version of Jack. Sure, she gets emotional, misses her sisters, and gets frustrated with herself, but you know what she does that Jack doesn’t? She shuts up and takes care of business. When something needs to be done, she does it. I admire that quality.

In the other plot line of the episode, it’s interesting to see Sawyer and Claire finally get some interaction and it’s completely necessary. Following this episode, I was considering what has happened to Sawyer since he stayed on the island. The main question in my mind was, who does he hang out with? Who does he spend his time with? Yes, he’s a solitary guy, but you can’t be alone all the time. Thus, this storyline with Claire is as much out of necessity as it is a choice. When Sawyer stays on the island, he will essentially be left with Claire, Locke, Rose, and Bernard to hang out with. He definitely will not go anywhere near Locke. Rose and Bernard are a bit out of his age bracket. Well, of course, then there’s another consideration.

What’s going to happen with all of Widmore’s people? I’m not so sure all of them are going to leave the island. Clearly they are a part of whatever game or plan or whatever is going on now. The writers were very careful this week to show Daniel and Miles having sympathy for everyone who wasn’t them. Frank went out of his way to protect them. Frank and Daniel are probably the two most likely to stay, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Charlotte and Miles stayed as well. Also, while we’re talking about these four, what’s with the random Charlotte and Daniel storyline? I’m not sure I care enough about them enough to want to hear about possible romantics between the two.

Well I’m also raising random asides, they’re really playing up the “Let’s have Jin say ironic things because we know he is going to die” thing. It’s sort of clever in a way. It’s also sort of lame. If he says, “I’ll do anything to get you off the island” I might die myself, from laughter.

LOSTOLOGY

Some of you might be wondering why I didn’t talk about Claire in the last section. Some of you are probably also wondering where Claire has been this entire season. Not to denigrate her personhood or steal her identity or anything, but she has been more of a prop than a character so far this season. I’ve heard a bunch of people ask why she hasn’t mourned over Charlie yet. Here’s the thing, besides her scene with Kate in Eggtown at the clothesline, she hasn’t had a part. Lately, she’s been the damsel in distress that Sawyer has to save. Why are the writers doing this? Not so ironically, it has to do with Jack.

In this episode, Jack’s dad made his triumphant return. Is he really dead? It’s impossible to say at this point. It’s interesting to see him on the island and re-consider Jack’s comments in Through the Looking Glass. Was Jack not just crazy and knows Christian is alive? On the other hand, the island has conjured dead people before (Yemi for Eko, Charlie for Hurley), so is that what it is doing for Claire and Jack in this episode? I don’t think so because I still maintain that Christian is Jacob.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that as Claire finds Christian, Locke, Ben, and Hurley are on their way to see Jacob. I also think it’s interesting to consider the subtext in Jack and Hurley’s flashforward meetings. Clearly the two share something that no one else does. Remember when Hurley apologized to Jack for going with Locke? I assumed it was in the split, but what if he was referring to when he volunteered to lead Locke and Ben to Jacob’s so that Sawyer, Miles, and Claire could go free. If Christian really is Jacob, Hurley apologizing for that reason would make complete sense.

Christian being Jacob also brings further clarity to Claire and Jack’s storylines. Is Jack supposed to protect Claire and Aaron? Is that his destiny? I think so. Now, re-consider Jack yelling, “You’re not even related to him” at Kate and his refusal to face Aaron after the trial in Eggtown. Does that line mean “You’re not related to Aaron and I am”? Did he not want to face Aaron because he knows the kid is his nephew and a responsibility given to him by his father? If Jack finds out his dad is Jacob, he’ll surely find out he and Claire are related.

Of course, while all of what I said is starting to make sense, but I have to wonder what the heck any of it has to do with Ben and Widmore. Is Ben really just a pawn and the game or whatever is between Jacob and Widmore? Or is Widmore a pawn too and there is no game, but Jacob planning world domination? And, damn it, where’s Richard Alpert?

FREDDY ADIEU

In closing, I am no longer going to make predictions, but say what I would do with the storylines. I’m not doing so because I think I’m as good as the writers, but because the rhetoric of saying I’m saying what I would do is inherently more honest than making predictions. What would I do over the last three episodes then?

Locke flashforward – He, Ben, and Hurley go to Jacob’s cabin. We don’t see Jacob, but he tells them to find Claire. Also, in the flashforward, there is some insane revelation at the end that won’t be touched on until next season, like Locke and Widmore are best buds.

Sawyer flashforward – In the flashforward, Sawyer is leaving in peace, looking after Claire, who doesn’t seem quite right. The flashforward ends with Claire saying something weird. In island time, Sawyer returns to the beach, has an awkward reunion with Kate, and assumes leadership while Jack is incapacitated, saying they have to go get Claire.

Claire flashforward- In the flashforward, Claire finally flips out. In island time, Claire finally flips out. Jack takes over the search for Claire and everyone meets at the temple. Jack finds out his dad is Jacob. The helicopter comes back and the six get off the island. Sawyer tells Kate, “There ain’t nothing out there for me, Freckles” and watches her leave. The episode ends with Sawyer trying to console Claire over Aaron being taken and Charlie dying. I’m not sure what the flashforward will be about.

And, as always, if you disagree with any of that then:

Shut up, you’re wrong.

Jayemel can be reached by email at jmlesniewski@gmail.com.