The Midside: S5E08 LaFleur

I’d like to begin with an apology, although, it seems like I’ve been handing out too many of those recently. (Did I just apologize for apologizing?) Don’t worry though, I’ve mainly been apologizing to myself. This edition of The Midside has been in the works for too long. The last week or so has been very…interesting for me and it delayed the release. I had developed a nice routine that was dismantled pretty handily, especially because LOST wasn’t new this past Wednesday. I actually went to trivia night at the bar. Our team got second, so it was worth it (though we should have gotten first, if we hadn’t listened to a certain dumbass). But this column isn’t about my life, as interesting as it may be. It’s about LOST. So let’s move on.

As if my apology in the previous paragraph wasn’t belittling enough, I now have to take back a claim I made last column. That’s right, my hypothesis didn’t even last one episode. I stated that we wouldn’t see a Juliet, Miles, Dan, or Sawyer episode for awhile. Well, this episode was all about Sawyer. To be honest, I’m kind of shocked. I’ve gotten so accustomed to him being pushed to the background that to see his story unfold was a bit jarring. However, he’s still one note Sawyer. His entire character is centered on romance and I’m not sure I like it. Thankfully though, he’s no longer Emo.

Let’s not get too excited, even though this episode was about our favorite character, Elizabeth Sarnoff co-wrote it, which means it was all over the place. There were bad lines. There were good lines. Some of the transitions rocked. Some of them sucked. There was some mythology. There was a lot of broad stroke characterization. I guess it could be worse though. As South Park reminded us in its season premiere, we could be watching a certain show we have disdain for in the Midside:

Cartman: “Grey's Anatomy? Kenny, what kind of douchebag garbage are you watching?"

How about we talk about the most ridiculous show on television that still somehow manages to maintain a level of quality?

TIME TRAVEL, TRUCES, STATUES, AND “THE WHEN GAME”

The episode began by reminding us that Locke “reset” the donkey wheel (as if we could have forgotten), which did exactly what I said it would: ended the time travel. However, before that happened there was one last jump, to the way past. Yes, that term is scientific. They traveled so far into the past they saw the back of the statue with four toes. What did it mean? What did it look like? Well, it looked like a person. Beyond that obvious observation, I don’t really know. Where’s Daniel Jackson when you need him?

How do we know the time travel is finally over? Well, there were no more flashes. But just in case we didn’t catch that basic easy to comprehend causation, Sarnoff gave us some of her patented dialogue to beat us over the head with the point:

Juliet: "What the hell was that?"
Miles: "That one was different. That was more like an earthquake."

Yes, it was different, which we could ascertain from the different visual and audio editing. Also, it didn’t appear to be like an earthquake to us, so either the director completely ignored this line in the script, or it should have never been written.

Juliet: "My headache is gone."
Miles: "Yeah, mine is too. And my nose isn't bleeding anymore."

The Polish judge gives a 10 for unnecessarily expository dialogue! You know how we can tell that their noses aren’t bleeding anymore? Because there’s no blood coming out of them! Besides, the nosebleeds didn’t even necessarily start immediately after a flash, so it was way too early for Miles to declare that they were done.

Jin: "Daniel, no more flash?"
Faraday: "No, no more flash. The record is spinning again. We're just not on the song we want to be on."

Enough! The metaphor has run its course. It’s become hokier than a Virginia Tech student. What’s next, parallel universe jumping where Faraday says that we’re on a similar record by an unheard of artist? Sadly, I wouldn’t doubt it.

Regardless, the time travel is over, and I can’t decide which side of me is having a more powerful reaction: the dork who is sad about it or the rest of me who is relieved because things might start to make a little more sense (yeah, right). I still have a sneaking suspicion that we’ll see a bit more of it though. After all, Locke is in a different time period than everyone else.

The next bit of interesting information we learned in this episode was details on the relationship between the Dharma Initiative and the Hostiles/Others. Apparently, they had some sort of truce. The details of the deal aren’t revealed, but the existence of it is interesting enough. Seeing how the Hostiles/Others agreed to a truce, they must not have had too much of a problem with Dharma’s research. If they did, why would they agree to a truce at all? They wouldn’t.

We also have to consider Charles Widmore’s role in this truce. We know that he was once a Hostile/Other. We also know, according to him, he once led the Hostile/Others. Finally, we know he has something to do with Dharma (from the logo on the book Keamy pulled out on the freighter). I hypothesized that he founded Dharma. Did he also negotiate the truce? If so, this deal would seem to further point to Widmore being a good guy. He was trying to achieve his goals through rational and legitimate means.

Hopefully, over the coming weeks, we’ll find out more of the truce, its eventual breakdown into the purge, and Ben and Widmore’s role in it. However, mentioning the purge deeply worries me as we now know that Juliet, Miles, Faraday, Jin, and Sawyer are members of Dharma. Are they exterminated in the purge? By the way, don’t listen to any rumors of “LaFleur” or any other name being on a jumpsuit in the mass grave in Season’s 3 and 4. I just watched the scenes from “Through The Looking Glass” and “Cabin Fever” again and the only name that can be read is “Horace.”

In closing of this section, I’d like to introduce you to a game we play in my LOST viewing group, both while watching the show and while seeing each other at random times: The When Game. Numerous times over this season, characters have replaced the word “where” with “when” due to time travel. It’s extremely entertaining to do so with any of the 5 Ws and the H. Take some examples from this episode.

This line is a perfect example of the birth of the game as Faraday corrects himself:

"Wherever we are now, whenever we are now, we're here for good."

Ridiculous yet amusing, no? Now take this line from Juliet:

"James, stop, we can't help. Wherever John went, he's gone. And wherever we are is before that well was ever built."

Now, substitute “when” for “where” and you get the following:

"James, stop, we can't help. Whenever John went, he's gone. And whenever we are is before that well was ever built."

Ridiculous! But do you want to know what’s even more ridiculous? Of course you do, you read this column. Miles started playing the game himself:

Juliet: Who do you think they are?"
Miles: "Who cares who they are? We don't even know when they are."

That’s right, he replaced “who” with “when.” Ridiculous! Bound to fail! I can’t even deal with it. I’m pressing ctrl+s and closing the computer lid until I can regain my composure and push onward to the next section.

SON OF A BITCH: LAFLEUR AND COMPANY

In case you didn’t see the twist coming a mile away like I did, LaFleur was obviously going to be Sawyer. It didn’t even make me yell, “What a twist!” How did I know? Everything in the episode had been about Sawyer to that point. It started with him trying to save Locke and ended with everyone grilling him for a plan of action. Also, you had to consider the way the opening scene ended. Juliet asked him how long they would wait. He responded with his catchphrase for the episode, “As long as it takes.” The text “Three years later” immediately appeared on the screen. How could LaFleur not have been Sawyer? If it was anyone else, it would have been irrelevant to the episode.

Sawyer’s story here didn’t revolve around being a badass head of security for Dharma, but his romantic entanglements. The distressing turn of events in this episode was that the oft-predicted relationship between him and Juliet began. First, he asked her to just stay two weeks. I have to wonder how he became so attached to her so quickly, especially when he basically hated her in Season 3. I get that he has no one else around, but isn’t he accustomed to being alone? Then, he finds her to perform a C-Section and waits outside the building like a nervous father. Finally, we were treated to the most horrific scene since Jack and Kate’s crying-because-Aaron-is-gone sex. Sawyer picks a flower. There is a romantic dinner setup. He and Juliet kiss. Everyone here booed. They exchange I love yous. They kiss again. We all went to commercial feeling dirty.

Why did we all react that way? Well, I can’t speak for the rest of my viewing group, but there are a few reasons I dislike her, starting with her facial expressions (or lack thereof) and ending with her ridiculous personality. Let me use an example from this episode to explain:

Sawyer: "Thanks for getting my back with that whole beach issue."
Juliet: "You should thank me. It was a stupid idea."
Sawyer: "Well what does that say about you agreeing with me?"
Juliet: "Any plan is better than no plan. Besides, if I hadn't agreed with you, we'd still be arguing about where to go next. I just hope we figure out something before we get there."

If she really believed that way, it would have been much better for her to say, “I don’t like the plan either, but we need to get moving. We’ll come up with something on the way” or “The plan’s not very good, but I don’t have anything better.” Instead, she went along and pretended it was good until she was asked about it because she’s more concerned with appeasing people than anything actually getting done. Is it any wonder she’s been stuck on the island for so long? Just tell Ben how badly you want off! Likewise, she wanted off but let Sawyer convince her to stay. She needs to stop mediating so much and start voicing her opinion. It’s annoying as frick.

To be fair to her character, she did receive about five minutes of development. She was finally able to deliver a baby on the island and have both him and the mother survive. It’s still not clear whether this outcome was due to her skill or luck though. Sawyer pointed out that maybe whatever caused pregnant women to die on the island hadn’t happened yet. Contradicting that theory is the doctor stating that all of Dharma’s women delivered off the island. There could be several reasons Dharma chooses that methodology, but the most likely is that women die during child birth on the island. Hopefully we’ll eventually get the answer to this question. As long as it’s open, Juliet will surely stick around.

Juliet isn’t Sawyer’s only flame now though. Due to the sped up plot development of Season’s 4 and 5, the square immediately came back into play. Kate and Jack showed up in an ending that was nearly impossible to fuck up due to the strong writing of the broader plot arcs of the show. Sawyer sees. Hurley. Sawyer sees Jack. Sawyer takes off his glasses. Sawyer sees Kate. LOST. Seriously, if Sarnoff wrote that ending well, anyone could have.

More important than the ending was the scene right before it. Hippie Horace found the necklace that belonged to Paul, Amy’s old flame, and flipped out about it. He asks LaFleur, “It's only been three years, Jim. Just three years that he's been gone. Is that really long enough to get over someone?" Sawyer answers "…is three years long enough to get over someone? Absolutely." But it isn’t. Did you hear the things Sawyer said about Kate, such as staying up at night thinking about her? Sure, he said he couldn’t remember what she looked like, but that’s why love isn’t shallow. Feelings are stronger than visuals. And if you truly love someone, can you ever get over them? I’m not an expert on the subject, but my guess would be no.

And now that Sawyer is no longer Emo (how would you describe what he is now?), the mantle has been passed to Faraday whose Emocity began in his first scene of the episode, as he kneeled over where Charlotte’s body used to be in a catatonic state. Later, he saw Charlotte as a child and gave such a creepy look it almost seemed like he became a pedophile at that exact moment. However, his most Emo action of the episode proves that Emo is harmful. He nearly walked into the sonic fence. Sawyer and Juliet reacted:

Sawyer: "Sonic fence? Didn't I say let me do the talking?"
Juliet: "One more step, Dan would've friend his brain."
Sawyer: "His brain's already fried."

See, Emo fries the brain. It’s proven now. Also, did you see how Amy avoided the sonic fence? She was wearing ear plugs! That’s it, really? That’s all it takes? I bet that’s how Mikhail survived in Season 3, and his “death” was all an act. It always did seem a little over the top to me.

QUOTE FOR QUOTE

Faraday: "It doesn't matter what we do. Whatever happened, happened."
Sawyer: "Yeah, thanks anyway, Plato. I'm going over there."

Really, Sarnoff? The nickname isn’t bad, but the rest of the line is crap. “I’m going over there”? Why not “I’m going to go make it happen” or “You stay here and contemplate the meaning of live, I’m going to go live it”? Hell, “I’m going to kill someone” probably would have been better.

Miles: "You know what, getting on that sub is starting to sound like a great idea. What do ya say, sub, anyone?"
Sawyer: "Hold your horses, Bonzai. No one's gettin' on a sub."
---------
Sawyer: "Let me talk to him."
Horace: "Excuse me?"
Sawyer: "Your buddy out there with the eye liner, let me talk to him."

Clearly Lindelof and Cuse got sick of Sarnoff’s poor writing of Sawyer and edited these lines in during the writers’ meetings.

Juliet: "Sawyer's right, Miles. We should go back to the beach. We survived there before. We can do it again."
Miles: "Or maybe when we get there you'll want to go back to the Orchid again and then when that gets boring, we can head back to the beach. It's the only two plans you people have."

There’s no way Sarnoff could have written that line either. It’s way too good. I’ve been saying it since Season 2. All anyone does on this show is walk back and forth across the island! I’m glad they finally acknowledged it within the show.

Horace: "I wish you would have told me you were coming. I would have turned the fence off for you."
Alpert: "That fence may keep other things out, but not us."

Because the Hostiles/Others wear earplugs!

Miles: "We're screwed. He's probably trying to explain time travel by now."

And no one can do that. Not even the writers of a show about time travel.

Sawyer: "Hey man, where is she?"

See, when you become a leader you start asking that question. Although now it should be “When is she?”

Random Dharma Dude: "Oh, he's got dynamite."

Really? What gave it away, the stick with fire on it that just blew up a tree?

Sawyer: "Now we wait for them to come back."
Juliet: "For how long?"
Sawyer: "As long as it takes."

Or three years.

FREDDY ADIEU

Thanks for baring with me and staying loyal to The Midside through my brief intermission. I guess we’ll just say that LOST took a break for a week, so I did as well. I really don’t have anything else for you this week. Let’s just cue the catchphrase:

Shut up, you’re wrong.

The Midside: S5E07 The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham

It’s nice to remember that the writers can actually pen a good story. This episode had it all: character development, action, philosophy, and it was bookended with the two important dichotomous characters of the series. It actually seemed like someone knew what they were doing, and I liked it. Let’s just hope this episode isn’t The Constant of this season though. What I mean by that statement is that episode was in the middle of last season, just as this episode is in the middle of the season, and was by far and away the best episode of the season. If this episode is the best episode of the season, we have nothing else to look forward to. Well, the Sawyer and Kate reunion should be interesting, I guess. We can always look forward to that scene.

The directing of this episode was just as good as the writing. Jack Bender was back behind the camera and you could tell. When he revealed Locke under the blanket (even though it wasn’t a surprise at all), he did a turn shot to the front of him just like in Season One. Also, when Locke was talking to Alana on the beach, the image was extremely reminiscent of any conversation on the beach in Season One. Yeah, the scenery is nice, but it’s awesome how Bender focuses on the characters and lets the actors tell the story, unlike Stephen Williams who adds in all types of weird lighting and colored imagery.

And speaking, or writing, of letting the character’s tell the story, we got an interesting look at some of the most important characters in this series and a possible goodbye to a formerly important one. Let’s consider them heavily, shall we? We’ll do it in order of appearance in this episode…

WIDMORE’S STORY:
THE CAMERA IN THE DESERT

You have to love the section title here. It sounds like a stand alone movie or show in its own right. I may even use it in the future. It’s delightfully esoteric. The Academy would love it. (Did I really just call something delightfully esoteric and worry about what the Academy would think?)

So, Locke pushes the wheel back into place (you have to wonder what that act did to the time traveling on the island) and appears in the desert in Tunisia where Ben did. Then terrorists come and pick him up and bring him to a hospital where they reset his broken bone. How scary must that have been? But if you remember correctly, terrorist stereotypes attacked Ben when he appeared in Tunisia. Odds are that those people worked for Widmore and were trying to stop Ben. Did Ben know that when he defended himself? Probably.

Locke and Widmore finally meet, and it’s hard to believe they haven’t met before (as adults). But they haven’t and Widmore marvels over the time difference between their last meeting (four days for Locke, a few decades for him), and the two share some interesting conversation. Let’s pick it apart from the perspective of figuring out if Widmore is good or evil

Widmore claims he was fooled into leaving the island by Ben and at the time he was the leader of the Others. He said he protected the island peacefully for more than three decades and “then I was exiled by him.” What’s most interesting about Widmore’s telling of the story is there is no mention of the Dharma Initiative. Was Widmore exiled before or after the purge? I’m not sure, but combining Widmore’s version of events with Ben’s flashbacks from The Man Behind the Curtain, I’ve come up with the following idea.

Widmore was in charge of the island, peacefully protecting it, when he decided to found the Dharma Initiative with the help of Alvar Hanso and his foundation. This turn of events explains his wealth off the island (of course, he could have been wealthy before or after his time on the island). It also explains why he was exiled. When Ben was a boy, Richard Alpert reached out to him. This contact eventually led to the purge and elimination of Dharma and Ben’s rise to power (and explains why he believes he’s one of the good guys, he was at one time). When Widmore founded Dharma, Jacob and/or Richard (if they’re not the same person) didn’t like the island being “exploited” so they sought out Ben to eliminate the threat. However, now that the threat is gone, Ben is too aggressive and violent of a leader. Jacob and/or Richard need Locke to lead the island peacefully, returning to its, essentially good state of nature. Get it, John Locke, essentially good state of nature?

This idea, of course, has many consequences. Most notably, the important dichotomy is no longer Widmore vs. Ben, it’s Locke vs. Jack. It also means Jack isn’t the leader he thought (thinks) he was (is). Locke is.

On to the next day conversation where Locke plays the role of the audience:

Locke: "Why, why would you help me?"
Widmore: "Because there's a war coming, John, and if you're not back on the island when that happens, the wrong side is going to win."

Widmore recognizes the need to lead the island peacefully, and thus doesn’t want to allow Ben to run the island. He has acknowledged his own mistakes and understands Locke is the proper leader for the island. If Locke isn’t on the island, then Ben will control it. This idea would put Widmore on the good side. However, I have problems with him being repentant about the Dharma Initiative. I think Dharma was a great thing, man harnessing natural resources for his own improvement.

Locke: "How do I know that you're not the one who's lying?"
Widmore: "I haven't tried to kill you. Could you say the same for him?"

This argument is one of the strongest for Widmore. Unlike Ben, he doesn’t go around kicking the crap out of and killing people. He doesn’t have that sociopathic edge that Ben does (which is exactly why Ben was chosen to purge Dharma). Well, he might, because remember…

Locke: "You sent a team of killers and a boatload of C4 to the island. That doesn't exactly scream trust."
Widmore: "I needed Linus removed, so it could be your time."

This explanation satisfies me. Ben is a crazy dude. I can see it taking that many people and that much weaponry to kill him. Or more. You know why? Because the amount that was sent to the island wasn’t enough. Ben’s still alive. And he’s back on the island. Plus, the answer was straight forward and to the point. That type of answer is more than Ben ever provides.

In this next quote we see more of Widmore recognizing the importance of Locke, but we also seem him give a sketchy answer.

Widmore: "The island needs you, John. It has for a long time."
Locke: "What makes you think I'm so special?"
Widmore: "Because you are."

Because you are, really? Who do you think you are Widmore, Ben? This answer hurts Widmore’s ethos a lot, especially after he was doing so well. However, when dealing with the island, is it any surprise he would say something so abstract? If there is one word to describe the island, it’s abstract.

So is Widmore good or evil? I’m still putting him in the good category. Maybe reformed good is a better description. I’m not sure how I feel about the reformed part, but it’s better than making him the villain.

FOUR OF SIX (AND WALT)

So Locke gets in his wheelchair (because when you leave the island, you revert to your crappy past), and goes to visit his friends, if they can be called that. Except, the first person he visits is Sayid, who is extremely happy with his life, contradicting the idea that when you leave the island, your life necessarily sucks. Maybe what matters is the individual taking control of his own life? Horrors no, a message of personal responsibility in LOST? This show sucks.

It hasn’t been all peaches and cream for Sayid though (huh?). He recounts and bemoans the fact that Nadia was killed. However, what’s important is that he calls his time with her the best nine months of his life and invites Locke to stay and do some “real good” with him. He even challenges Locke: "Why do you really need to go back? Is it just because you have nowhere else to go?" And part of us agrees with Sayid. Hasn’t that always been Locke’s story? But still, the most interesting part of the conversation was:

Sayid: "For two years I was manipulated into believing I was protecting everyone on the island."
Locke: "Who was manipulating you?"
Sayid: "Ben...so who is manipulating you?"

We still don’t know who killed Nadia. Was it Ben? We were led to believe, as was Sayid, that someone was opposing Ben. Did Ben just manipulate Sayid into being his bodyguard against Widmore’s assassins? Also, Sayid’s question of who is manipulating Locke is meant to make us believe Widmore is manipulating Locke. However, Locke wanted to bring everyone back to the island before he met Widmore. Locke even says that he is speaking for himself. Still, we can’t help but wonder if Locke is still being manipulated, at the very least by Richard Alpert.

Next, we, in all likelihood, said goodbye to Walt. Last column I complained that they didn’t bring Walt back to the island with them on the plane. This episode we got an explanation as to why. Locke stated, “The boy’s been through enough.” Really, that explains why he wasn’t needed to increase the odds that the plane would crash? Does the universe have a sympathetic edge that I’m unaware of? Is that why it killed Michael? Oh, no, I forgot. Michael was killed because the writers of LOST are racist. They’re so racist, they didn’t even have Locke tell Walt his Dad was dead. And what final explanation do we get as to Walt’s role in the show? He had a dream that we know is true, so it’s confirmed that he can view the future. That ability is how he’s special. The end. Goodbye, Walt!

Btw, Ben is watching, because Ben is always watching.

Next we visit Hurley. All I have to say about this scene is I can see benefits of living in an insane asylum. You can act crazy and no one looks twice. Social conventions are out the window. Of course, that also means everyone you know will be crazy, but isn’t everyone crazy already?

Next, we randomly cut to Kate, and I have to ask, where is this Kate normally? I really liked this Kate. Was this permutation of her just a case of character being made subordinate to the story? They must have wanted a character to bring up the love issue so Locke could get closure on his relationship with Helen. That would explain why Kate was so touching and said this: "I think about you sometimes. I think about how desperate you were to stay on that island. And then I realized. It was all because you didn't love anybody."

I’m not sure how I feel about a sense of purpose filling a void for love in your life. The statement seems to privilege love over a sense of purpose. Shouldn’t you live your life for a sense of purpose and love will come from that? Or maybe I’m just saying that because I have a void of love in my life. Wait, that comment was kind of Emo. Strike it from the record. I already had my Emo episode a couple columns ago! Move along, nothing more to see here.

But seriously though, since when was Kate sane and rational and able to give advice to other people? Maybe it’s just because Locke is that crazy. Or maybe the writers were trying to juxtapose Sayid and Kate’s happiness to Hurley and Jack’s insanity, which we’ll get to in a second. First, we have to get to that closure.

Matthew Abaddon wheels Locke to Helen’s grave and they mourn. They also have an interesting exchange.

Abaddon: "Helen is where she's supposed to be. Sad as it is, her path led here. And your path, no matter what you did, no matter what you do, your path leads back to the island."
Locke: "You say that like it's all inevitable."

Is Abaddon’s line another example of fate or another example of manipulation? Locke has always wanted to believe in destiny, which has made him extremely pliable. Certain elements of this episode also fly in the face of the idea of fate, especially a fate intertwined with the island. The most notable is Sayid. However, if Abaddon is speaking the truth, then show is integrating determinism, which I’m not sure how I feel about. Of course, the smart response would be that all time travel stories must necessarily assume determinism for anything to make sense.

Then Ben shoots Abaddon, driving home Widmore’s murder point and ending any speculation about a possible LOST/Fringe crossover. Good. Fringe sucks. And Reddick’s character was so much better on LOST than on Fringe. His character on Fringe is useless. In fact, every character on Fringe is useless except the doctor and Olivia. Yes, I watch it even though it sucks.

Next it was time for Jack. Did Matthew Fox just decide it was time to start acting again this episode or was he was he just determined to outperform Terry O’Quinn? He was phenomenal in this scene, perhaps the best I’ve seen. Maybe he’s just really good at belligerent conflicted Jack, which is what this scene was all about. Well Jack, are you a man of science or a man of faith? Apparently he’s the latter because he bought a plane ticket from Sydney to Los Angeles, which would explain why he turned to drugs and alcohol and joined Ben. He was raised a man of science. It’s gotta be tough to have everything you based your life on be underminded.

BEN’S STORY:
I AM PONTIOUS PILATE

That’s pronounced pilot, btw, not pilate, like the workout technique. What I’m referring to is Ben’s execution of Locke, turning him into the Jesus figure of the show. Which, btw, could Locke have looked anymore like Jesus standing on the table? I wonder how many times they had to reshoot the scene to make sure Terry O’Quinn was holding his hands correctly. Regardless, Ben was the judge, jury, and executioner in this scene, raising a couple interesting points.

Widmore said we could trust him because he didn’t try to kill Locke. Ben did kill Locke. Are the writers trying to tell us that Widmore is the good guy or is this all part of the epic twist that Ben is ultimately the good guy? I’m leaning towards the former (of course).

It’s interesting to consider what caused Ben to kill Locke. He started the scene not intent on killing him and then two major comments caused him to change: Locke mentioning the promise he made to Jin and the name drop of Eloise Hawking. The promise to Jin sent the wheels turning (in a brilliant acting job by Michael Emerson) and the name drop made Ben snap. Did Ben kill Locke because he no longer needed him and knew that Locke would be the leader of the island if he returned to it? Or did he kill him because he always had to die, so Ben just cut to the inevitable when he realized he didn’t need Locke to manipulate Sun? Either of the last two options I put forward make sense.

These scenes also featured two key quotes:

Ben: "No John, he used you. He waited 'till you showed up so that you could help him get to the island. Charles Widmore is the reason I moved the island. So that he could never find it again. To keep him away so that you could lead."

This quote can help us understand why Ben killed Locke. If he truly believes Locke was going to lead, he probably killed him to get him back to the island properly. However, Ben is almost always lying, so it’s tough to tell. We also hear Ben’s side of the story concerning Widmore being evil; and whereas Widmore provides a reason for Ben being evil, Ben just calls Widmore evil again. I’m always wary of that kind of argumentation.

Ben: "I'll miss you, John. I really will."

Ben turned and said this line after Locke was dead, meaning it’s possibly the only time we’ve gotten a look at the inner Benjamin Linus. Of course, he could somehow be aware this is a show and lying to the audience. But in all seriousness, the line shows he did like Locke, and killed him out of some purpose, not blood lust, which pretty much confirms what we all thought about Ben. He does some messed up things, but he feels like he is fighting for a higher purpose.

FREDDY ADIEU

It’s been a long one this week, and I only have one thing left to add. Caesar’s story of Hurley and all disappearing with the flash means that the O5 (O6 minus Aaron) are time traveling with the rest of the 815 Survivors. The only question I have now is when we’ll see the rest of them on an in-depth level. I would venture that over the next few weeks we’ll get a Hurley, Sayid, and Kate episode. It may be awhile before Sawyer, Juliet, Jin, and Faraday become important to the story again. That sucks. And if you don’t agree with me then, well, you know what you can do:

Shut up, you’re wrong.

The Midside: S5E06 316

Eye open. Wider shot to establish that a man is lying in the jungle. Wish you had written a column starting with the Pilot because then you could start this edition of The Midside the same way you started that edition and really confuse the audience. Because that’s how we measure success in the LOST-verse, by how confused the audience is, right?

What’s confusing me right now is the apparent promotion of Stephen Williams to head director. His first episode was the incredibly weird “Further Instructions” in Season 3. You remember, the one where Locke builds the sweat lodge and has that trippy vision about the airport. Obviously he can’t be held accountable for the content of the writing, but the directing is totally up to him. I always thought a lot of the shots in that episode were strange, most notably the whole rescue of Mr. Eko from the polar bear in the cave scene. I initially thought not showing the entire bear was a budget issue. Now I’m not so sure.

Williams seems to love these really tight close shots that have, up to this point, been atypical of LOST. Maybe I’m not remembering the pilot correctly, but the opening shot to this episode, which was supposed to parallel the opening shot of the series, felt a lot tighter and a lot brighter. If you don’t believe me you can check the Pilot screencaps here and the 316 screencaps here.

Of course, numerous other factors could play into me perceiving a difference. This time, Jack woke up in another place in the jungle, so the foliage was a bit difference. This time, the episode was shot in HD (though I haven’t yet viewed it in HD), so the image capture is different. This time, Matthew Fox is older, so maybe Jack just looks different.

Regardless, the sound effects in the background were interesting during this scene. There was heavy use of the opening credits and ending thud effects. I’m intimately familiar with the latter because it’s now my text message sound, and thus I can easily identify it. I’m not sure of all the symbolism here, but it did remind me of the end of the video game LOST: Via Domus, where the main character circled back in time to the original plane crash, but events were a bit different. Could this show end up Mighty Maxing? If you don’t know what I mean, go do some research on the 90s cartoon “Mighty Max.” It’ll be good for you.

And when you get done, come back and join me on my journey into The Midside.

BANGIN’ ON A TRASH CAN
DRUMMIN’ ON A STREET LIGHT, ERR, LAMP POST

You know what this show needs? Another frickin’ Dharma station, but this time it should be off the island! Oh, you mean there already is one and it’s called the Lamp Post? My bad. I guess I should have seen this coming. I mean, why else would Ms. Hawking hang out in a church? We wouldn’t want to endorse Christianity too much, would we? (Yes we would. That’s why we’ll make John Locke into Jesus.)

So, Ms Hawking plays the part of Faraday’s mother and tries to explain everything, but not really. Here’s what we did learn:

-The island is non-linear. Which, I suppose we should have known from the first episode on, as the storytelling of this show has never been linear.

-All you need to locate the island is a giant pendulum, giant chalk, and a giant floor map. Oh, and a giant amount of time to waste.

(Also, don’t think time travel is a pendulum. It’ll destroy your ethos.)

-They have to go back to the island. (Though I still ask according to who and for whose purpose?). The rules: "If you want to return, you need to recreate, as best you can, the circumstances that brought you there in the first place. That means as many of the same people as you are able to bring with you." Which, apparently, didn’t even include Walt, even though these rules were so sensitive that the shoes belonging to a dead guy were important. But no, not Walt. It must be because he’s black. Black children don’t count. Well, unless you’re into slavery anyway. Or trying to start a basketball team. Racist statement. Racist statement.

Also, the only seemingly purely good guy left on the show (Desmond, duh) gets in Jack’s face and tells him what’s up:

"These people here are just using us. They're playing some kind of game, and we are just the pieces. Whatever she tells you to do, ignore it."

This statement by Desmond harkens back to Locke’s quote from Season One, “Two players, one light, one dark.” Desmond doesn’t want to be part of the game, so he tells Jack to do the smart thing and peace (piece?) out. He even follows up with a “Fuck You” to Ms. Hawking:

"You say the island's not done with me. Well, I'm done with the island."

Good for you, Desmond. You know, I understand that this whole show is about the island and the producers want to keep the main characters together, but I’d really like to see some other characters be done with the island. Out of all these people, can Desmond really be the only one who is sick of all this ridiculous nonsense? Well, we at least known Jack isn’t. He ignored Desmond’s advice, ending up back on the island, leading us to…

JACK = SAD

When you get a Jack episode, you have to. I’m sorry. I know I had one of these sections a couple weeks ago, but can you blame me? He’s such an easy target. Besides, if you love Jack, why are you reading my blog? That’s like me walking into an Obama supporters meeting. This time though, I will be proving my Jack = Sad theorem.

Here’s our first Jack quote:

"My father is gone. My father has been dead for three years. You want me to...and to give it to Locke. He's in a coffin."

Yes, he’s gone. Let him go, ok? But no, we can’t. And the writers can’t either. So what do we do? We make Jack revisit his issues with his father by having him need to use Locke as his dead body proxy (what?). And since Jack can’t actually see his father to sort these issues out, what does he do? He goes to see his grandfather. Those father issues are real deep if you put them on the grandfather when your father is gone. I even thought the grandfather was going to the island to become the new Locke, considering the desire to leave and the cane. Was he just supposed to be symbolic of Shepard men, or was this scene another example of a Jack failure? Take your grandfather to the island, Jack! Although, I have to admit, this scene was awesome because of how Jack’s grandfather reacted to his unique brand of crazy. “Can I take these shoes that belong to my dad who’s been dead for three years and not explain why so you’re probably just assuming I’m still not over it?” “Sure.” His grandfather didn’t even blink. He was that used to Jack’s crazy.

All of this buffoonery culminated in some weird scene that the weird LOST fans with foot fetishes must have loved, as Jack put his Dad’s shoes on Locke. I’m not even sure how I feel about the fact that I just wrote that sentence. The scene makes me wonder though: were the white tennis shoes, that Jack explicitly mentioned in this episode, hanging in the tree in the Pilot symbolic of Jack’s character flaw? Or maybe they were symbolic of the entire series, considering the important role Christian seems to have.

Ms. Hawking: "...and start asking yourself whether you believe it's going to work. That's why it's called a leap of faith, Jack."

We once again return to the notion of Jack being a man of science or a man of faith. In fact, Locke said the leap of faith line to Jack way back in Season Two episode “Orientation.” We know that Locke was originally told the statement by Helen. Even though this issue was raised in the Season Two premiere, Jack still hasn’t gotten over it. Although, to be fair to him, that question seems to be the entire question of the series: Do you take what the island can do on faith or do you try to understand it by studying it scientifically?

And just in case you didn’t understand what was going on in this episode, the writers beat us over the head with Ben’s explanation of the story of Thomas the Apostle. Jack is Thomas the Apostle and Locke is Jesus. Get it? No? Did you even actually watch the episode?

Kate: "We're on the same plane, Jack. That doesn't make us together."

I have to say, I loved that line. Anytime Kate sticks it to Jack, I can’t help but be happy. Yes, she continually has her weak moments and crawls back to him, which I’m not ready to forgive her for, but she still sees the way he really is. I’ve always said that Kate is brilliant symbolism of the way a lot of women in our culture are today. She portrays this tough and rugged independence, which she does have a lot of the time, but deep down she is deeply afraid of being hurt, so she falls back on the cultural norms that make her acceptable. When she falls back on them, she ends up with Jack.

Take this episode, for example. She is an extremely weak and scary moment, so she breaks into Jack’s apartment and cries in his bed. She then uses him for comfort, thinking that somehow what he is supposed to be will make everything ok. But he doesn’t, because he never does. Then, the next day, they share an awkward moment (“Do you want coffee or orange juice? Because I got you both, just in case!”), and she delivers the killer line on the plane. It’s a Sick Cycle Carousel (credit: Lifehouse).

The most interesting thing about Kate is people’s reactions to her. A lot of people have very negative reactions to her. She’s often called a bitch, a slut, or any other number of derogatory terms for women. Personally, I do think she’s emotionally immature, and her actions regarding Jack and Sawyer are pretty messed up, but I can’t help but have a soft spot for her. Of course, my perspective on her may be an entire other concern, but this column is not the place for that discussion. Let’s just say this there’s a nice cross section of women on LOST (Sun, Juliet, Claire, Shannon, Ana-Lucia, Rose) and Kate is by far the best one. Although, Goth Claire was pretty hot.

Besides, how can you not love a woman that says awesome things like: "Why hold onto something that makes you feel sad?" Which is exactly what Jack always does. He holds onto things that make him sad. That’s why Kate goes to him when she’s feeling sad. Thus, my theorem is proven. Jack = Sad. Fact.

And just to drive the point home, here’s Jack Most Epic Fail of the Series (so far):

Ben:"Is it because you're afraid?"
Jack: "Afraid of what?"
Ben: "Afraid that he blames you. That it's your fault he killed himself."
Jack: "Was it my fault?"
Ben: "No Jack, it wasn't your fault."
(Jack starts to cry.)
Ben: "Let me give you some privacy."
(Ben gets out of his seat and walks away.)

This exchange is THE epic fail for three reasons: Jack actually considers that Locke’s suicide might be his fault (No one’s suicide is ever your fault. They’re taking their own life.), he starts to cry over it, and he makes the situation so awkward that Ben, who loves other people’s pain, moves. Epic Fail. Fact.

QUOTE-FOR-QUOTE

Desmond: "I came here to deliver a message. Daniel Faraday, your son, sent me here. He wanted me to tell you that he and all the people on the island need your help. He said that only you could help them. He didn't say Jack. He didn't say Sun. He didn't say Ben. He said you."
Ms. Hawking: "But I am helping, dear."
Desmond: "Consider the message delivered."

Really, that’s it? So Desmond’s entire subplot this season paid off with “But I am helping, dear”? Oh, wait, Ms. Hawking also told him the island isn’t done with him yet…which we already know by virtue of him still being on the show!


Jack: "This is ridiculous."
Ms. Hawking: "Oh, stop thinking how ridiculous it is..."

Ok? Wait…no. You telling me to stop thinking about how ridiculous this show isn’t going to stop me from doing so. Yes, I enjoy it, but part of the fun is harping on the ridiculousness. It’s like being a Detroit Lions fan. At some point you just had to give in and enjoy the fact that your team is that bad.

Ben: "We're all convinced sooner or later, Jack."

Either that, or Ben punches you in the face. True story.

Jack: "Are you Jill? Ben sent me."

Oh why oh why couldn't Jack have said "Are you Jill? I'm Jack. Let's go up a hill to fetch a pail of water"?!

Jack: "Where ever you are, John, you must be laughing your ass off that I'm actually doing this, because this, this is even crazier than you were."

No, actually, it's pretty par for the course at this point. See? LOST is ridiculous.

Ticket Agent: "Mr. Shepard, if you just bare with me. The reason for transporting Mr. Bentham to Guam?"

Oh why oh why couldn’t Jack have replied: “He committed suicide so he could act as the proxy for my dead Dad so me and the rest of the Oceanic Six could crash onto an almost-unlocateable island for the second time.”

“Really?”

“No.”

But, alas, Jack sucks and was more concerned with checking out Kate and her trendy sunglasses.

Sun: "If there is even a chance that Jin is alive, I have to be on that plane."

Forget the fact that I have a young child to take care of. I want to crash back on an island that moves through time.

Jack: "It's pretty crazy, huh?"
Kate: "Which part?"
Jack: "Hurley, Sayid, being on the same plane. How did they end up here?"

Yes, how did they? Thanks for rubbing that one in our face, Lindelof, or beating us over the head with it. We got it. We’re not supposed to know yet.

Frank: "Wait a second, we're not going to Guam, are we?"

No, but wouldn't it be awesome if they actually did? Season Six takes place in Guam. What a twist!

Jack: "How can you read?"
Ben: "My mother taught me."

Obviously she didn't teach you to read anything good. Also, she didn't teach you. She died giving birth to you. Do you really even have to lie about the little things?

Kate: "The plane, where's the plane?"

Don't you mean "De plane, where's de plane,” Kate?

RANDOM NOTES

Three questions we have:
-Is Ben’s loose end Penny, and what does that have to do with him being bloodied? (Probably)

-What happened to Aaron, and was it before or after Kate decided to go back to the island? (I don’t know.)

-Who busted Hurley out of prison and told him to get on the plane? (Widmore.)

-Why was Sayid arrested, and why did his captor subsequently take him on a plane to Guam? (His captor is a bounty hunter, not a cop.)

(Ok, so there were really eight questions.)

Also:
-In the airport, Hurley was reading the Spanish version of Brian K. Vaughn’s graphic novel “Y the Last Man.”

-Frank is back! I like Frank a lot. Well, except for the fact that he is a Yankee’s fan.

-The woman playing Sayid’s captor previously played Eva Marquez on the short lived Fox science fiction show New Amesterdam about an immortal living in New York City. How sad is it that I remembered the character name without having to look it up?

-316 was the flight number of the Ajira Airwaysplane, but it’s also a reference to the biblical verse John 3:16. Go look it up.

FREDDY ADIEU

I have a whole section planned here, but need some graphic help to pull it off. Let’s just say it has to do with Locke’s letter to Jack and his middle name being Michael. Hopefully I’ll get it up soon. And if you don’t believe that, well then:

Shut up, you’re wrong.