Thursday, January 27, 2011


"It was fun. I learned a lot."

This statement was found:

A) On
B) On a comment card for the Smithsonian
C) In a review for an Oscar nominated documentary
D) In a breakup conversation

Or maybe it was in Erik's final words in Survivor Micronesia. That makes about as much sense as this. Who gives up immunity, the one thing that protects you from being voted out in a game where the object is to vote everyone else out? It's the most counter-intuitive thing ever. Yet, he did it. And likewise, so did you. Well, you didn't give up immunity. You--I'm just going to quote Rudy here--I dunno.

It's hard to get a grasp when things change so suddenly. Its like getting used to the amount of pull gravity has on you only to find out that the Earth is a spaceship when someone turns it up a notch and it's a little harder to walk. You have to reconsider your understanding of what you knew about gravity and Earth. You have to get yourself in better shape just to get back to where you were before everything changed--to prove again that you've earned the rewards that complying with gravity bring.

Because that's really what the issue is. It's not about identity or existential crises. It's not about angst over the inability to predict or control the future. It's a plain old simple uneven trade. It's Bill Belichick sending Randy Moss to the Minnesota Vikings for a third round draft pick, only for Moss to be cut by the Vikings less then a month later. I admire the gamesmanship, but the evaluation of Moss is clear. He's crazy. The Vikings should have known that. You, on the other hand, made it really difficult to figure out what was momentary and what was lasting. I still don't know. The tragic part is that all it would've taken was a little communication.

Let me tap the microphone. Is this thing on? Are we live? Can you hear me? I dunno. I don't care. (Well, I do. I'm not going to lie and pretend I don't.) This is what I have to say. That's it. No, really. "This is what I have to say." No overly wrought Emo poetry disguised in rap form. No self analytical soliloquies that would make Hamlet envious. I'm finally at a point in my life where this is what I have to say.

Thank you for your feedback. Your comments and considerations are important to me and will be addressed in a timely fashion. Or they won't, because the customer isn't always right. In fact, this time the customer is wrong, dead wrong. The store sets the price and you haven't paid in full. Let me say it a little differently. You owe me.

I just don't know why I'm not more indignant about it.

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